When I have come to the end of myself with a sense that I might not ever possibly make it back from the brink this time – and yet I have done it before and so I know that I will be ok…
But this time OK is just not enough.
Yes I will settle for ok, if it means I survive but when will ‘thrive and shine’ appear for me?
The thoughts of, ‘its not fair that I can’t seem to manifest the marvelousness that the super coaches bang on about’ and ‘what’s wrong with me?’ hum in the background, foreground and mid ground of my mind, often pushed away with guilt about allowing in negativity.
Yet something in me just knows, deep down knows that there is more available to me in this life…
But frustration
Uncertainty
Past experience
Present circumstances
Doubt
And a looming fatigue
Mixed with a determination that sometimes feels like the curse of chasing my tail in a relentless attempt not to give up –
Have brought me, yet again, to a place of taking a good hard look at where, how and what situation I find myself in.
And I feel the need to withdraw, to go inside, to nurture that part of me that creates my life. Although sometimes it feels like I am just being dragged wildly behind a moving vehicle with no driver!
It is down to me to yell – STOP. To step away from the vehicle, turn off the engine, stretch my legs and enjoy the scenery.
It is not a hiding away, or a quitting but a retreating to
Strengthen
Inspire
Recalibrate
Rejuvenate
Discover
And allow all the parts of me that get so drained by the incessant noise, busy-ness and push of life to come alive again.
Allow all the creativity inside me to emerge from behind the reptile brain that’s only narrative is
RUN
FIGHT
FREEZE
And feel all the joy that too often succumbs to the ‘it’s so hard’ conversations of others.
I know that without having come to the end of myself, I would never know how deep I can go, how far I can expand and much more I have available to me mentally, emotionally and physically.
In hindsight I can always see the gift of the struggles, the hard times, the darkness I have at times felt consumed by.
But sometimes, more often than I allow myself to admit, I need someone to say –
I see you
I am listening
I will hold space for you
Come away for a moment and just be you
Allow whatever needs to come up to surface
Because when I have had those people come into my life and accepted those opportunities wholeheartedly, choosing to invest time, care and attention in me, because without it I could not have seen any further than the endless blank landscape I was stood in –
It is when I have had that opportunity that my finest, most heart connected and soul aligned life rises out of me and
* Carries me forward, where I had felt that my feet could not take another step.
* Lights the place that was dark and felt like a prison, but turned out to merely be a pathway that opened out into the most beautiful clearing humming with life, sound and beauty.
* Holds my hand and lets me know I am not alone
This is WHY I create this space for others too, because I know the importance of coming back to the center of me where my magic resides and all too often hides and gets drowned out.
My business may be called The Playcation Experience because the intention is always to bring lightness, freedom, energy and connection to each retreat.
However treating it like a playground that is full of awe, wonder, fun and laughter takes the expectation of being perfect or getting it ‘right’ out of what always is a life transforming, heart transforming, soul aligning experience.
In essence a Playcation Retreat is healing the heart, mind and soul with laughter and play.
We have three places on our Crete Retreat on Monday – is it your time to do something for you and just say ‘What the Heck, now it’s all about me!’
Click here to see more about it.
