I found love

They say when two people fall in love it’s a beautiful thing.

That when two people completely accept each other for who they are, for their flaws, for their irritating habits - that it’s really special and some kind of gift.

But what I say is...that’s the easy bit.

Loving someone so deeply and allowing them to love you back - it’s kind of fairly natural isn’t it?

Pretty easy to fall in love with someone who treats you right, who makes you smile and laugh, who says nice things, who takes you out and always ensures you’re okay.

The giver of a comforting hug when required, the bringer of stupid jokes to lift the sadness, but what happens when they’ve gone...

When all you have left is you.

What happens when you haven’t ever allowed yourself to develop that kind of love for you...

Then what?

You see, I would never have been able to share this a few years ago because I would have thought it was ridiculous, an alien concept, to love oneself more than another.

To be able to actually say - I love me. (I mean who says that!?)

But today, I want to share with you how beautiful, how innocent and how magical that process actually is.

Honestly - It’s the most difficult thing I’ve done in my life.

I’ve Stripped back layers and layers of protection that I’ve built up over years.

Cried endless tears, sometimes without knowing why, sometimes in public places, sometimes into my pillow at night.

I’ve hit fear and frustration like I’ve never known it before.

I’ve experienced anger and allowed myself to have full on tantrums. (Something I would never dream of allowing in the past)

I’ve had conversations with my body. (Yes that’s right, your body talks too!)

I’ve had heart to hearts with - myself.

I’ve explored the depths of my soul.

I’ve unraveled a lifetime of beliefs that I’d just adopted from others without even realising.

I’ve allowed myself to give up the fight.

I’ve allowed myself to surrender to the process and to the new life I’ve chosen to take.

I’m still learning to fully trust my heart

To fully, every single day, love every part of my body

And I’m still learning to forgive and let go more and more each day.

But you know what

This is the most beautiful journey I ever began

I actually have true compassion for myself

I allow every emotion

I re-write every story that no longer serves me

I can look myself in the mirror and smile with kindness

I can finally accept my body just the way it is

and...the best of all:

I love me